Tanya’s Side of the Story
Deployments
Ahhhh… deployments, where to start?
They suck.
The end.
Just kidding. Deployments are hard. Technically this is only my husbands 2nd deployment since we have been together, however, he has often been gone for weeks/months at a time for various Army schools or overseas for various reasons with the Army. He is gone a lot. It’s the norm for us, even the kids are used to it by now. We don’t like it and we miss him but it’s just normal.
You think I would have this whole “holding the fort down” thing down pat and for the most part I guess I do. The bad part about actual deployments is they are long. A month here, week there… I got that. I started off this deployment having everything under control. Rolling with the cyber school at home, getting the house clean, dinner, errands, man jobs… things got done. We are now towards the end of this deployment and I can admit, I’m slacking. I am just tired. I have noticed that I am just not putting forth my best effort. Its kind of like falling off the wagon and you just can’t seem to hop back on that thing to save your life. You keep trying and one day you succeed, then the next you’re sliding off again.
Things pile up, then I tackle them and feel great only for things to pile up again. I need to burn the trash but the wind has decided otherwise for the past week. Its piling up so I hid some in the shed. I need to get the air conditioners out of the window, but I need help as my tiny self can not handle the big one. Oh, and I forgot to pay those two bills on the counter, need to remember those. I should finish the laundry first though. I have only been trying to do that all week and now its time to do laundry again. Laundry, that reminds me, I need to help Alayna finish her costume for Halloween or it won’t be done in time. In the laundry room I realize I need to do the floors first before laundry, but I can’t run the vacuum till the kid’s classes are over. Speaking of kids, one is calling me now. I need to stop and go help them with school. 30 minutes later: where was I? I have no idea. This is how every day goes. So much to do and not enough time for one person to do it all. It drives me crazy.
I think I’m losing my mind. The other day I spent 30 minutes looking for a shirt that I was already wearing! Yep, loosing my mind. In my defense, the shirt was under a hoodie I was wearing so I couldn’t see it. I think my brain needs to remember so much that it just pushes other stuff out to make room.
I’m trying to get back on that slippery wagon, especially with the kid’s school stuff. I have given them too much responsibility and freedom. I need to be more involved and active. I need to be on top of things and that should be my priority during the day. I have done much better this week with that. Now, to hold on for the ride and tackle another wagon. The house. I must be motivated, and I must get things done. No one else is going to do them for me so I need to suck it up and get to it.
So easy to say those things but hard to make them happen. I just want to take a nap. Sit for a while, finish a book, relax. I feel bad for even complaining. I know my husband would much rather be here tackling day to day life than where he is. I know I have it easy compared to what he goes through, but life is just hard without home here with us. We miss him. I am lonely. I am tired.
Deployments suck.